[This is part 1 of a series. For information about transgender youth, please see part 2]
“How do I know this isn’t a phase?”
It’s one of the more common questions I hear from parents when their children come out to them as lesbian, bisexual, or gay. It’s also a common concern when children and teens express that they’re unsure of their identity and want to explore different labels until they find what fits best.
First, let’s take a look at why parents worry about LGB identity being a “phase.” Some parents wonder if these identities were influenced by friend groups or social media. They have concerns about making “permanent” decisions in the event a child or teen later changes their mind. Other parents hope that it’s only a phase, because they know society isn’t always the most supportive of LGBTQ people, and they worry about their kids facing those kinds of struggles.
While it’s true LGBTQ people often face stigma and discrimination in the US (for example, in 2020, multiple US Supreme Court Justices publicly shared their disapproval of same-sex marriage), there is also a lot of joy to be found in familial acceptance of queer identities. You can deepen your bond with your child and overall strengthen your relationship–which is always a good thing!
Additionally, studies by The Trevor Project show that LGBTQ youth who have one supportive adult in their life reduces their suicide risk by 40%.
While sexual orientation can be fluid, and labels may change over time, it’s important to accept youth identities as real and valid. There are a myriad of examples of teens who come out as bisexual and later realize they’re gay. Some youth (and even adults!) are positive that they’re straight but come to realize that they’re bisexual. It’s certainly possible that your child may come out as one identity and later realize they’re someone else. But even if your child does ultimately realize that they’re straight, imagine what an amazing message you were able to provide for your child while they explored their identity. You showed them through your words and actions that your love is unconditional.
You gave them space and grace to explore who they really are, and that is a gift every child deserves.
If you have questions or would like to talk through your specific situation, contact Sam at the Cortland LGBTQ Center at sadams@familycs.org
